Insomniacs Anonymous

 

Pointless chores and productive tasks,...

'Why at this hour?' the conscious asks.

Things that are put off are appealing to do,...

Like ironing, cleaning blinds and bleaching the loo.

The random musings of the mind,...

thoughts gander to another world of a kind.

Out comes the sewing machine, whispers "Just one more stitch",...

Annoyed neighbours, thinking: 'What a witch!'

When a household is quiet, pure silence and peace,...

An artist creates the most vivid piece.

A sleepy bed sharer moans at the bedside light,...

Knows too well, no point putting up a fight.

Eyes tired, make up smudged, looking like a clown,...

Flicking pages of a compelling novel that's so hard to put down!

A moment to coffee

What is it about coffee?

Black, milky, or sometimes frothy.

A roasted ground bean drink,...

Evokes all the senses, makes you think.

An aromatic scent, stronger than tea...

The caramel colour is pleasant to see.

A solo drink to cheer you up,...

In a big mug or a cafe shop cup.

A crowd-pleaser enjoyed among friends,...

The jokes and banter never ends.

Sees you through nights
when deadlines are near,...

Keeps you alert and puts you into gear.

Work done, kids fed, tucked into bed,...

Savour a quiet coffee for another day ahead.

Books tell a lot about people

What does your bedside table books say about you?  

I know the saying goes "Never judge a book by its cover", but can you judge a person by the books they read??

I always wondered if librarians and booksellers wonder the same when they sign out and ring through the till books taken by their borrowers and customers. 

Along my life I've learnt many things. People are not always what they seem.  I remember once I was walking by a building site near the urban sprawl that is Docklands where I used to live.  I saw a very tall, muscly builder sitting on the pavement of a roadside with his yellow hard work hat strategically propped on a red traffic cone.  On one hand holding a ploughman's sandwich and on his other hand judging by the title, front cover and expression on his face a book of the romantic genre.   He was so engrossed in his reading that he hadn't noticed the tomato in his sandwich had fallen out onto his trousers.  

He was lost in the book in his own world away from the midst of the concrete jungle surrounding him and I don't blame him.  The constant sounds of concrete drilling and trucks loading and unloading must drive him insane.  Despite his outer rugged appearance; I thought to myself such a giant softy, a hopeless romantic at heart. I smiled and walked away. 

On another instance I saw a girl in the library reading one of the trilogies of the Twilight. She was probably fifteen or sixteen dressed in black and ironically very pale like the character, Wednesday in the Addams Family. (Now I'm showing my age!).  She kept frantically flicking pages back and forth and was not really reading at all.  

I later gathered from my teenage nieces that it was all the rage at the time. The Twilight Saga, Vampires and Werewolves! Ah, I thought to myself now the pale face and dark clothes makes sense -  the girl was imitating the characters in the book. I thought perhaps the peer pressure of friends made her pick this book up and read it so that she can belong and relate to the conversations within her circle of friends.  Perhaps she doesn't even enjoy reading but wants to follow the Twilight madness; trying to be something she's not.  I thought, yes she is at the age of uncertainly and has  many years of her life to live. Perhaps she will even cringe when older at her teenage photos of her looking like the shadow of death! She sure did freak me out sitting in that quiet corner of the library!

Recently on the trains I observed a young man reading a crime thriller AND carrying a 'Call of Duty' Bag. I thought surely there is too much violence and crime in this young lads sphere.   What's wrong with the Mario Brothers who saves Princess Peach from the evil Bowser!?! Surely there's more to life than guns, crime and rampages. Call me old-fashioned; maybe its me. Too much crime and war in the worls as it is. We don't need to pollute our youngsters mind even more. Whats so attractive about violence and anarchy? I mean what's with the youth of these days? Something that every adult says when they reach post 30 adulthood and forget not so long ago they too was that rebellious teenager wearing outrageous clothing, unkempt hair, jacket falling off shoulder and talking loudly with no respect for the adult of the species! I guess you have to just let them be as its a passing phase of growing up. 

Anyways I think I'm going off at a tangent here! Clearly books say a lot about ones character, hobbies and interests, but it is not fair to make the assumption based on one book alone. Books portray the composition of the self in a self-explanatory form. No adjectives are needed to describe the reader.

My bedside books.

Take a look at my little hoard of books near my bedside that I've either bought, been passed down, been given as a gift or recently borrowed from the library. 

Each book title portrays a little glimpse of my identity:
The Qur'an = portrays my identity as a Muslim and the interest in the Qur'an's teachings.  The second book called Moan About Men - is about the womanly woes and disgruntle at the male of the species. The emerging genre of books called 'chick literature or chick lit' keeping women sane in a crazy world. No matter how equal women may want to be as men in the work and political sense - there's are times I am grateful that I am a woman on so many levels but at the same time I can't pass an opportunity at poking fun at the opposite sex. 

The book about Shoes is because of my interests in clothes, shoes and fashion in general and I'm sure most women share the same interests. Women wear clothes for necessity of course but also for pleasure. A woman can never have too many clothes and shoes! Men on the other hand wear clothes for survival! I mean, they just don't shop the way us woman do. In the coming winter months my husband would be repeating: "must buy winter jumper" in the most ice-age monstrous voice you have ever heard like his preparing for some apocalypse! Meanwhile there's me pondering how I can be all svelte by the summer months post winter-binge and whether I'd really be able to fit into that trouser I bought last summer during the sales. Also I'd wonder whether that snood I bought on impulse this winter is destined for the charity box as it makes my head look like a rhinoserausrs' head!

Another lovely read is all the classic novels which are embedded in you during the school years and you pretty much can't get away from it either later in life.  The struggles and picturesque setting of Jane Eyre and Tess of d'urbervilles does not leave you. As a person and more so as a woman we are constantly in struggles of our own but its the journey you take to overcome life's trials that matters whilst keeping grounded and headstrong like the character, Jane Eyre. 

Othello by Shakespeare on the other hand is a series long episode of modern day Eastenders! Sometimes I think we are all in a book of Shakepear's one time or another in our life. 

My small collection of home design, home redecoration and arts and crafts books portrays my love for interior design. Truth is that I love it as a hobby but refuse to do it as a job. I'm more of an Kristie Allsop than a Kelly Hoppen.  I like redecorating, creating mood boards, revamping old furniture and making personal home accessories for myself, family and friends. Home design and crafts books are my favourite 'lazy' reads; it does not require your full attention and you can simply flick pages and photos or skim read whilst watching telly. 

Recently as part of my studies my course required me to buy creative writing books. Although I love writing and I am quiet a confidant writer; I do need taming! What I love about these books is that it constantly asks the writer to self-reflect and self-critique however if you're a sticker like me sometimes you may end up doing so many edits of writing that you won't even get much writing finished. 

In order to be good at writing you need to do a lot of reading and I mean A LOT!   I used to be a casual reader; only read for necessity not pleasure but ever since leaving full-time work, entering motherhood full gear and going back to university; I appreciate books more. The knowledge you gain is eye-opening and fruitful and the fiction story lines are intriguing. Aside that nothing beats the simplicity of reading from a book and smelling the pages of a new book.  I think books are here to stay despite their electronic ebook competitors! The pros of reading from a book is that there is no need for a battery, no charger is needed and no sunlight glare; just an imagination and OK perhaps just a bookmark! 

Brick wall walking

I walked on those low brick walls as a fearless kid....

Went home with grazes and scars, which from mum I hid....

Although the brick walls and rails still look the same....

No remnants remain on the bricks of my chalk-scribed name....

Rusty bars, flaking paint, bricks now covered in moss....

What was once a child's playing field, now no one gives a toss....

The surrounding echoes memories of those good times past....

The inevitabilities of life proves nothing is here to last.   

#whelerhouse

Poem by Asma. 

Cherish Childhood

Oh how I miss my carefree childhood,

running around in my humble neighbourhood. 

Playing tag and hiding in trees,

stamping in puddles and rustling leaves. 

Oh how I miss those days,

some I recall, others a haze. 

Wearing an anorak and as free as a bird, 

I was a small little thing but my presence was heard. 

Oh how I miss my days at school,

a conformist who usually stuck by the rule. 

When little, I was a mischievous child,
but I must add I certainly was not wild! 

Surrounded by love, well-grounded, headstrong,

what ever I did,  I could tell right from wrong. 

Children are so keen to grow up fast,

whilst the old yearn to be young and reminisce on their past. 

Oh those were the good times, memories and all. 

So savour every moment whilst you are still small. 

(Dedicated to my daughter)

By Asma Begum.

Sewing galore!

Despite being a full-time mum, wife, daughter and a recently becoming a student again; every so often I have the sudden compulsion to sew or make things. It's my way of escapism from the stresses of life.  Mind you this hobby doesn't come cheap and it is rather time-consuming however very satisfying because it's something you've made yourself.



I have a weakness for homeware, haberdashery and trimmings shops.  My subconscious persuades me to buy whilst my purse says another. Big haberdasheries wholesalers want you to buy in bulk; hence I have accumulated quite a few buttons and embellishments over the years! Nevertheless I am still intrigued by the variety of trimmings and the possibilities of what I can create out of them. When I walk in the shop I'm like a child in a sweet shop. I just want to buy everything but I have to contain myself from the temptation.  Lace, embellishments, motifs, ribbons, buttons, beads, threads, fastening and much more all under one roof.

I was quite creative in school.  I loved drawing, doodling, sewing and making things. In secondary school I chose to study Art and Textiles for my GCSEs but never chose to continue it professionally - just dabbled in the hobby!  Regardless  I have dedicated a corner in my living room for my hobby and the rest of my household have learnt to accept it as it's not going away anytime soon!


Recent resurgence in the interest in the make, do and mend culture has revived this dormant pass-time in me. I started making cushions and recycled my daughter's baby grows and made flower applique patterns.  I also revamped an old canvas into a noticeboard and key holder with pockets and brass hooks.

I had a lot of denim at home from a blind that I had bought for my daughter few years ago so I decided to make a school bag for my daughter with her initials on it. Other things I made out of the denim were tote bags, mini purses and a clutch bag which I remember sewing till 3am!

Eventually I made hanging hearts both scented with lavender and unscented, pin cushions and more smaller cushions to dress the bed. These little finishing touches can be hung on a wardrobe handle or a door handle to give that homely feel. 

Even though making smaller items are quiet fiddly; I thought I'd give it a go at making some hairbands and brooches. These hair accessories and brooches were made to sell at a stall which I had at Spitalfields Market in Brushfield Street as part of International Women's Month in March 2010.  The monochrome hairbands sold like hot cakes!

My latest sewing venture was to make headpieces but with more pizazz like the ones worn by the actresses in the Great Gatsby movie which was set in the 1920s. 

I really enjoyed making these as I already knew how to make fabric headpieces but it was a new challenge trying to incorporate beads and embellishment onto fragile material such as lace and net. 

Anyways that's it for now until my next inspiration for sewing

 
Watch this space for more sewing.  

Please leave a comment below - your comments and suggestions are very much appreciated.

Home Sweet Home

Finally I managed to complete redecorating my new home. Every time I thought I was nearing completion; one thing or another required changing or adding to the scheme.  No doubt I might even be changing things next month but for now I'll stay put. I thought I'll write this blog and share some photos for inspiration and ideas.

My previous home was a new built; intolerably hot during the summer months and it had plasterboard walls which meant you could hear everything. Although the views of the Docklands' high riser was great; its location wasn't ideal for raising a family. So when I moved into this 60 years old ground floor property with greenery at the front and rear of the house - I was over the moon and surprised by the contrast. No plasterboard walls, endless sunshine and breeze and privacy from the neighbours. Lovely bricked walls, some original features such as exposed beams, dado rails (which have made a come back) and a beautiful ceiling rose.  Also it had a humble-sized garden.   

I was intrigued to find out about the history of my new abode.  In the 1660's the Pennyfields area had 27 cottages. In 1851, several Irish inhabitants were recorded, many being labourers and dock workers and with them lascars (seamen) too.   During 1918 there were a significant number of the Chinese community living in the   Pennyfields area which was namely part of the original Chinatown.  Pennyfields was demolished in 1960s due to decay and from some bomb damage during the Second World War. The street was compulsorily purchased by the London County Council (LCC) and rebuilt for social housing.

So the house that I live in is approximately 63 years old.  It's a far cry away from the new built which I used to live in.  I believe "Old is Gold" and I appreciate the history of my bricked house; uneven, cracked walls and all!  When decorating I opted from the traditional neo-classic vintage look. I wanted to incorporate the garden and feeling of calmness into the house.  Life is hectic as it is so it was important to me to create an environment which was relaxing and welcoming.
 

Here's some photos of my house.

My serene living room with a twist of shabby chic and vintage theme.

The dark table and chairs compliments the muted olive and ivory wallpaper. The mahogany tone adds a retro feel. It would also work nicely with lighter furniture but I believe you can make a scheme work with existing furniture by adding small touches such as this lace table runner which I purchased from h&m.

Roses are timeless accessories so if you're lucky to get real roses even better but if not; faux roses will also look the part.

My favourite buy is the cream and navy trim retro radio.  It looks great and sounds great too especially when listening to the radio whilst doing the hoovering!

 
I bought this mirror from Camden lock market in a antiques mirror shop.  I love the bevelled effect mirror and pewter finish on the frame which fits in with the vintage neo-classical look.

Be brave and add your personal touch by hanging love hearts and charms on to the mirror (but remember nothing to heavy).  You can even add rose garlands but stick to the colour scheme and don't over do it.  Sometimes the mirror speaks for itself.



I bought this beautiful mauve lamp shade from TK Max.  It was the last one on display so I grabbed it as soon as I saw it.  I love the pleated silk shade and the ribbed glass effect base.  (I make sure to keep my children's dirty hands away from this as once greasy or oily stains silk; it's hard to remove!). 


I've searched, EBay, John Lewis, Achica and many other websites but time and time again Bhs (British Home Store) never fails to disappoint.  They have the best and most varied lighting options at reasonable prices.

I was going to buy a chandelier for my living room but dreaded changing the multiple bulbs! Hence went for a ceiling light that was both hassle free and aesthetic. I opted for this brass finish flush ceiling light with glass pieces to reflect the light around the room.

With the modern digital age photographs are hardly developed and printed now.  I dug up some old family photos that where taken at a photo studios in the 1980s and put I them in the original navy leather frame that it came in. Why should these pictures be hidden and forgotten?  In the photo I am seen wearing football socks with a pair of burgundy shoes whilst wearing a blue dress; I wonder what my dear mother was thinking?! Regardless it makes me laugh. Family photos are to be remembered and cherished not hidden in some old luggage.

My beloved sewing corner which I must admit struggle to keep tidy at times!  I keep my emergency sewing kit there. As well as fabric, threads, twine, ribbons, pin cushions and a sewing machine (shown covered). The space doubles up as a place to put pens, pencils, colours, papers and important letters discreetly hidden in a magazine file.  All the items tie in with the colour schemes of the living room so it does not look overpowering. Anything else which is bright and bold in colour are stored in the storage unit below.


This clock is actually an outdoor metal garden clock which I bought from a stall at the Ideal Home Show in Earls Court few years ago. I thought it would be nice to incorporate the outdoor elements inside the living room such as the pattern of the wallpaper, the roses and the clock.



My classic vintage boudoir (aka. mum's bedroom as my girl calls it).
The colour scheme in my bedroom is ivory, creams, mink and black.  The furnishings are light colours and silk fabrics which bounces light in the room and give it that spacious and opulent feel.  
These are some of the cushions I have used as accessories. I bought the cream rose cushion from Next and the off-white cushion from the Kylie Minogue range.  I designed and sewed the black square cushion with lace given to me by my sister.

My bed side mini-library.  Not everything in the house should be out of sight; out of mind!

 


Thank goodness for faux roses as I am not at all green-fingered.  These roses are bought from Dunhelm Mill which I put in a rounded ribbed vase with pearls necklaces inside.  Also by the roses is a handful of rings regularly worn stored in a dessert glass that a cousin was giving away.




I bought two of these art deco lamps from Dunhelm Mill and thought I'd display rather than hide some of jewellery boxes that I have bought over the years.





I bought this jewellery / scarf mannequin from a market near my house.  It was £12 and but I haggled and got it for £9. Bargain!







My tranquil bathroom.  
Pale grey walls, white tiles and busts of fuchsia accents.

My cosy kitchen.
Walnut kitchen unit, white walls and tiles and pastel vintage inspired accessories.

My space-saving 'grown-up' girls' bedroom.

I love Ikea, especially their ingenious space-saving ideas which are perfect for London homes which tend to have small bedrooms.  I bought this Hemmes daybed which pulls out another bed space and has 3 deep drawer storage.  I just about managed to get the bed to fit in that space by chiseling away some of the skirting board! The room is painted brilliant white and only the window wall is wallpapered as it is a small room.  The colour scheme is purple, pink, mink and white as requested by my daughter!


As the room was small I decided to free up the floor space by putting up shelves on the entire one side of the wall.  This is also perfect for a growing child's room as once she goes to secondary school  - she'll have enough space to store her school books and folders.

I revamped my daughter's old office chair and gave it a more 'grown up' look.  Fabric is bought from Ikea.

It was so difficult to find a 3 door wardrobe + 2 drawer  with mirror but finally found one in Homebase. It took a while to assemble as there were many parts but it was worth it in the end.  The 3 straw storage baskets above the wardrobe are from Wilkinson and I've used them to store my daughter's arts and crafts.

My special daughter's colourful bedroom.

My youngest daughter has special needs and has visual impairment so it is important for her to be in a well lit room with bright and bold colours.  I chose to paint one wall a bright bubblegum pink colour and the rest of the walls brilliant white with aqua, pink and blue bedding and accessories to contrast the white walls.

Ceilings are usually plain white so I thought I'll jazz it up by sticking on some gift bows that I had in the crafts baskets.  In the morning the bows look eye-catching and at night when the night lamp is on - the shiny bows glimmer as if they are stars in the sky at night! Also I've hung fairy light flower garland on her cot bed for sensory stimulation and to create a relaxing ambiance.

This storage unit is from Ikea. It's called the Billy Bookcase but I've chosen to use it to store nappies, baby wipes, medicine, syringes, medicated milk and small clothes such as vests, socks, tights and woolly scarves. It's a life saver and time saver and has everything I need conveniently at hands-reach. I bought the three straw baskets separately and labelled them with little tags to remind me what's in them! The shelves are adjustable and of course can be used as a bookcase as well.

The Garden Bench

I found this cast iron bench near the rubbish bins.  It usually costs thousands to buy but I got mine for free!  Once I managed to convince hubby to help me carry it into the garden; the heavy bench was washed, scrubbed, sanitised and spruced up with some comfy cushions.

Phew! This must be my longest blog with the most photos. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it and I hope you found the decorating and craft ideas inspiring.

Please write any comments below - I hugely appreciate your feedback.

Asma Begum. x

Autumn Appraisal

Time to start afresh... time to renew, 
I'm looking forward to autumn... hope so are you? 

Out with the coat, scarves and boots. Colds, coughs and sneezes.
Crisp air, falling leaves and steady cool breezes.

Sounds of crunchy leaves beneath your feet.

No more of that bothersome heat. 

A mild breeze passes you by, 

makes you ponder for a while. 

Porridge in the morning... cocoa at night, 

warm desserts....what a delight. 

Frosty evenings... paired with twilight, 

darker sky... yet shining moonlight. 

After autumn follows winter so cherish this lovely season,

... savour the beauty and its glory because everything happens for a reason. 

(Poem by Asma Begum).

Family Reunion at the hospital?

On Sunday, 6th January early this year Hubby set of to fly to Bangladesh to visit his parents and younger sister.  He hadn't been back home in about four years. We had done the last minute 'cardigan' shopping; a staple clothing item which asians tend to buy for relatives abroad.  I don't understand why because Bangladesh get 10 months of summer and only 2 months winter and even that is eqivalent to our British Spring! [However apparently I'm told Bangladesh has experienced an unexplainable freak freezing cold winter this year]. Anyway giftwrapping, packing and weighing the luggage done. It was the day for hubby to go. It was kind of melancholic because he had said he wanted to visit for quite some time but I didn't really realise the day would come so quick. I was in a state of limbo - I want to bid him a safe and happy journey and holiday but on the other hand I didn't really want him to go.  Really it's no big deal because distance supposedly makes the heart grow fonder but mushy bit aside I rely on my husband with running the household, shiftworking between the kids and his my saviour for my once in a blue moon respite which I'm able to have when hubby's around.  As the time neared to him leaving the home for the airport; the vision of the retreat to the spa, meal with the girls or shopping till dawn seemed like a distant memory!  I had been physcing myself up for about a week prior about 'How I'd been fine', 'I can manage on my own' and often found myself having a full blown out monologue in the kitchen with myself about what needs to be done, how I can overcome his problems and that appointment.  It's not the end of the world as I stare at the dripping sink tap, leaking washing machine and disrepair of the front door draught excluders who are clinging onto dear life.  All that can wait even after he has come back surely. Perhaps give it another year or so I say sarcastically to myself.  Well, I convinced myself that these were mere menial non-urgent things to be done and I have far more important tasks ahead.  I got to brace myself of 3 weeks of school runs to two schools, seeing to council contractors attending home visits and a dozen hospital appointment which have come in clusters all in January due to the christmas and new year break.  Not to mention the cold, frosty winter mornings which would involve the tedious task of putting layers of clothes on the girls, defrosting the car windscreen and heating the car.  Oh... and don't even get me started with throwing out the rubbish, the recycling, sweeping the leaves from the front porch and food and bog-roll shopping!.... Damn I'm really gona miss hubby for all the right reasons (of course)!

Anyway worries aside I knew I'd have to take the superwoman cape out of the wardrobe and just get on with it!  I was rustling up his farewell lunch. I did a Chicken Korma, Dhal (Lentil), Carrot Bhaji and a King Prawn Bhuna and Pilau rice all by midday.  All went down well considering that I missed breakfast and was faffing about that morning. Mum and close family came round to see hubby off.  Then suddenly Inaaya who was well all week took a turn for the worst.  She was having these new type of seizures, which I now learnt are Tonic Clonic Seizures.  The symptoms Inaaya presented were proper convulsions, body stiffness and limbs jerking.  Some of the seizures were so intense and prolonged and Inaaya would roll her eyes which was so scary for one to watch let alone experience! Thankfully, apparently the sufferer is unconsious throughout and doesn't remember the seizures but just the dazed feeling when consciousness is regained. 

It was 2 o'clock and time for him to leave for the airport.  Hubby was saying he'll cancel the flight if need be. I reassured him that he should go and maybe it's just a blip.  "Inaaya's always ill, or in hospital, she'll be fine."  I said to him and to my conscious.   I could not give hubby a farewell hug as I was dealing with Inaaya.  He said bye and went downstairs and I hurried behind him with Inaaya once she had come round from her seizure so that atleast he could see her being her playful self and not be so upset leaving and Inaaya could give her dad a kiss.

The seizures calmed down in the afternoon but began to come back in clusters in the evening .  First every 3 hours, then 2 hours, then every hour and eventually about 3 seizures every 30 minutes.  I couldn't hold on for long and neither could my poor Inaaya at this rate.  It was 4am when I called NHS Direct and paramedics arrived.  Mum had stayed over at mine seeing that Inaaya was poorly and should the need arise that I go into hospiral with Inaaya; mum can look after Sumaiya (my other girl). True to that; this is what happened -  I left with the ambulance crew leaving mum in a state of sheer worry. I tried to calm her but her eyes were already full of anxiousness.  Inaaya was admitted to a+e at about 4am and almost minutes later my sister texted me saying mum was in a+e. I couldn't belive it and I didn't know how to react among the doctors and nurses around me.  All I throught was that I literally left mum in my house. What's happened to mum so quick?  Perhaps that fact that I had left with Inaaya in such a state got her overly-worried.  Suddenly it dawned on me: OMG! Where is Sumaiya?  My poor girl... no mother or father nearby and now no gran nearby. Luckily later my sister filled me in about Sumaiya's whereabounce and about mum because I was preoccupied with my girl Inaaya.  I felt so helpless that I could not be near mum and at the same time felt so helpless that no matter what I did near Inaaya's bedside;  I could not stop Inaaya having seizures.  I was told mum came in complaining of shortness of breath.  An x-ray showed that she had fluid in her right lung so she was immediately catherterised and given oxygen.

Poor Mum, poor Inaaya and poor ME!  One hand I have the person that gave life to me and on the other hand I had the person I'd given life to and whom was soley dependant on me.  Straight away I wanted to breakdown but held back the tears and took a deep breathe and sighed. I thought I must stay strong.

Later that morning both Inaaya and mum got taken to the assessment wards and later transfered to the in-patient wards on diferrent floors.  I still hadn't seen mum but was texting my sister and brother like crazy for updates.  After a week staying in hospital; with many sleepless nights, blood tests, examination, stress and tears - Inaaya was on the mend with the Mercy of Allah, the Almighty.  Even 9 months pregnant sister-in-law, Shuhena had a brief admission to a+e  because she was vomiting all day and couldn't keep food down.  It was a little family reunion, but perhaps an altervative venue instead of the general hospital would have been well suited!  



My older girl, Sumaiya missed a whole week of school and I only saw her twice breifly that week.  She was at my parents' flat in Mile End a few days, then at my brother's house in East Ham and lastly at my sister's house in Newbury Park because there was no dad to take over the childminding and do the schools runs. My poor girl probably felt so unsettled and emotional.  She's very timid too and won't even say if something was wrong or she wanted anything.  I owe it to her as well as my youngest to be there for them both.  It was so difficult and challenging. I had to be both mummy and daddy at the same time. I was needed at the hospital by one daughter and also was yearning for my other daughter. One minute I was feeding wheatabix, changing nappies, administering medicine and playing with Inaaya and the next minute I was racing home in my car to put the washing machine on, check letters and bills, cancel appointmemts, pick up clothes for Sumaiya and go to Sumaiya's school to get homework as well as buy myself food and drink.  I figured I will have to eat and keep hydrated to keep my energy levels up because I don't have a failsafe back up plan (in the form of what would be a 'husband') if I was to falter.  I was one man down but I was determined to be a one-man army.  With the saying from the Qur'an in mind and heart that "God, does not burden a person with that s/he can't handle" - I soldiered on.