ed attention around the clock day and night. It was a difficult decision to make but I think it was the right decision in the end. All these worries would flood my mind... Who will pay the bills? how will we put food on the table? How will we cope? ...But you know what; somehow, with the almighty God's help and blessing - we're just about keeping well and heads above waters.I realised in the midst of crying babies, and beeping hospital machines that jobs come and go, but when you see your dearest baby child struggling to breath in your arms whilst sat on the hospital bed; nothing else matters anymore. Life in itself becomes such a precious thing, often taken for granted. This is why I took the decision to let go of all my ambitions, dreams, desires,... (who on earth would do such a thing) but inadvertently I left scarcely clinging on to the most important thing. Hope.
Hope that one day, my baby daughter will get better in time. Hope that one day I'll see that light at the end of the tunnel. Hope that all this struggle and pain is finally rewarded. Hope that one day that grey cloud that lingers above my house, shines it's silver lining.
Anyways.. on a lighter, m
atter-of-fact note. I moved home in July 2010. Away from the busy high-rise, sky-scraper, metropolis area of Canary Wharf. Away from those 'so-called' posh but plastic, plaster board, non-sound proof tower blocks with their all inclusive equipped state of the art cinema, gym, sauna facilities all under one roof (and breath!) Of course I had my own dentistry at the bottom of my block and a nice Lebanese restaurant which faced the docks and yes, one other thing I had below my residence was ...yes, you've guessed it... a 6am to 11pm Tesco Express! Yey! (Being sarcastic of course, but for a mum of two - this was pure heaven!)Oh how I miss my morning aroma of fresh all-butter croissant travelling up my balcony and into my bedroom windows. How I miss my morning visit (some times in my PJ's) to get the first loaf of bread of the day. I equally miss that near mid-night trip to get that indulgent Low Fat Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake Ice-cream to eat just before bed.... Mmmmm!
Somehow despite the many advantages in that home, it was also time for change. Moving address, felt like a breakthrough. It felt like turning over a new page... a new chapter in my life. Leaving all the happy and sad memories that reigned in that house to making new memories in the new home.
"New home ... New me" was my mantra during my transition to my new home. I felt I found my self again. After months and years of running up and down the corridors of the hospitals, clinics and wards. Going from one hospital to another. Speaking to a doctors here, a nurse there. A consultant here and a surgeon there. A physiotherapist here, and a social worker there. My sole vocabulary and contact was with a cauldron of professionals. I was wearing many hats at one time. One minute I was a mum, a wife, a nurse, an advocate, a lawyer, a judge, and even had to play God (metaphorically speaking of course). "Please sign the consent form on the dotted line" the doctor's would say as they informed me of the pros and con and possibilities of my daughter surviving her
operation. To me the surgeons might as well be asking me to tick a box! "Let live or let die!" What a terrible position for a mother to be put in. All I wanted to do was scream!Finally months gone by and I eased into my normal yet abnormal life that I led. I gradually found my self again. All these years I felt my feet were running out of ground and I now I felt well-grounded then ever. I realised that I needed to depart myself from this madness and pick my self up. Don't get me wrong I love my daughter to bits but in order to look after one self that person must look after itself! Otherwise I would not be no good to my child if I couldn't put a smile on my face everyday I woke up.
Things are looking up
; nearly finished decorating my homemade home, just adding my finishing touches. Attending dressmaking workshop on Mondays, brushing up on my Arabic on Thursdays and going to the gym, cycling and jogging once a 
week. My eldest daughter is going theatre class to boost her confidence levels and to release the diva within her. My youngest loves school and is improving slowly but surely. I'm enjoying motherhood and being a wife to my monkey of a husband which I love to bits! I'm also trying a dab hand at crafts and sewing which I'm enjoying very much and getting quite a pro at. Thinking of starting my own business and also when it couldn't get any better; I have a writing proposition come my way too; hopefully will be writing for an upcoming new newspaper. So wish me good luck coz I'm gona need it! x
