Sewing galore!

Despite being a full-time mum, wife, daughter and a recently becoming a student again; every so often I have the sudden compulsion to sew or make things. It's my way of escapism from the stresses of life.  Mind you this hobby doesn't come cheap and it is rather time-consuming however very satisfying because it's something you've made yourself.



I have a weakness for homeware, haberdashery and trimmings shops.  My subconscious persuades me to buy whilst my purse says another. Big haberdasheries wholesalers want you to buy in bulk; hence I have accumulated quite a few buttons and embellishments over the years! Nevertheless I am still intrigued by the variety of trimmings and the possibilities of what I can create out of them. When I walk in the shop I'm like a child in a sweet shop. I just want to buy everything but I have to contain myself from the temptation.  Lace, embellishments, motifs, ribbons, buttons, beads, threads, fastening and much more all under one roof.

I was quite creative in school.  I loved drawing, doodling, sewing and making things. In secondary school I chose to study Art and Textiles for my GCSEs but never chose to continue it professionally - just dabbled in the hobby!  Regardless  I have dedicated a corner in my living room for my hobby and the rest of my household have learnt to accept it as it's not going away anytime soon!


Recent resurgence in the interest in the make, do and mend culture has revived this dormant pass-time in me. I started making cushions and recycled my daughter's baby grows and made flower applique patterns.  I also revamped an old canvas into a noticeboard and key holder with pockets and brass hooks.

I had a lot of denim at home from a blind that I had bought for my daughter few years ago so I decided to make a school bag for my daughter with her initials on it. Other things I made out of the denim were tote bags, mini purses and a clutch bag which I remember sewing till 3am!

Eventually I made hanging hearts both scented with lavender and unscented, pin cushions and more smaller cushions to dress the bed. These little finishing touches can be hung on a wardrobe handle or a door handle to give that homely feel. 

Even though making smaller items are quiet fiddly; I thought I'd give it a go at making some hairbands and brooches. These hair accessories and brooches were made to sell at a stall which I had at Spitalfields Market in Brushfield Street as part of International Women's Month in March 2010.  The monochrome hairbands sold like hot cakes!

My latest sewing venture was to make headpieces but with more pizazz like the ones worn by the actresses in the Great Gatsby movie which was set in the 1920s. 

I really enjoyed making these as I already knew how to make fabric headpieces but it was a new challenge trying to incorporate beads and embellishment onto fragile material such as lace and net. 

Anyways that's it for now until my next inspiration for sewing

 
Watch this space for more sewing.  

Please leave a comment below - your comments and suggestions are very much appreciated.

Home Sweet Home

Finally I managed to complete redecorating my new home. Every time I thought I was nearing completion; one thing or another required changing or adding to the scheme.  No doubt I might even be changing things next month but for now I'll stay put. I thought I'll write this blog and share some photos for inspiration and ideas.

My previous home was a new built; intolerably hot during the summer months and it had plasterboard walls which meant you could hear everything. Although the views of the Docklands' high riser was great; its location wasn't ideal for raising a family. So when I moved into this 60 years old ground floor property with greenery at the front and rear of the house - I was over the moon and surprised by the contrast. No plasterboard walls, endless sunshine and breeze and privacy from the neighbours. Lovely bricked walls, some original features such as exposed beams, dado rails (which have made a come back) and a beautiful ceiling rose.  Also it had a humble-sized garden.   

I was intrigued to find out about the history of my new abode.  In the 1660's the Pennyfields area had 27 cottages. In 1851, several Irish inhabitants were recorded, many being labourers and dock workers and with them lascars (seamen) too.   During 1918 there were a significant number of the Chinese community living in the   Pennyfields area which was namely part of the original Chinatown.  Pennyfields was demolished in 1960s due to decay and from some bomb damage during the Second World War. The street was compulsorily purchased by the London County Council (LCC) and rebuilt for social housing.

So the house that I live in is approximately 63 years old.  It's a far cry away from the new built which I used to live in.  I believe "Old is Gold" and I appreciate the history of my bricked house; uneven, cracked walls and all!  When decorating I opted from the traditional neo-classic vintage look. I wanted to incorporate the garden and feeling of calmness into the house.  Life is hectic as it is so it was important to me to create an environment which was relaxing and welcoming.
 

Here's some photos of my house.

My serene living room with a twist of shabby chic and vintage theme.

The dark table and chairs compliments the muted olive and ivory wallpaper. The mahogany tone adds a retro feel. It would also work nicely with lighter furniture but I believe you can make a scheme work with existing furniture by adding small touches such as this lace table runner which I purchased from h&m.

Roses are timeless accessories so if you're lucky to get real roses even better but if not; faux roses will also look the part.

My favourite buy is the cream and navy trim retro radio.  It looks great and sounds great too especially when listening to the radio whilst doing the hoovering!

 
I bought this mirror from Camden lock market in a antiques mirror shop.  I love the bevelled effect mirror and pewter finish on the frame which fits in with the vintage neo-classical look.

Be brave and add your personal touch by hanging love hearts and charms on to the mirror (but remember nothing to heavy).  You can even add rose garlands but stick to the colour scheme and don't over do it.  Sometimes the mirror speaks for itself.



I bought this beautiful mauve lamp shade from TK Max.  It was the last one on display so I grabbed it as soon as I saw it.  I love the pleated silk shade and the ribbed glass effect base.  (I make sure to keep my children's dirty hands away from this as once greasy or oily stains silk; it's hard to remove!). 


I've searched, EBay, John Lewis, Achica and many other websites but time and time again Bhs (British Home Store) never fails to disappoint.  They have the best and most varied lighting options at reasonable prices.

I was going to buy a chandelier for my living room but dreaded changing the multiple bulbs! Hence went for a ceiling light that was both hassle free and aesthetic. I opted for this brass finish flush ceiling light with glass pieces to reflect the light around the room.

With the modern digital age photographs are hardly developed and printed now.  I dug up some old family photos that where taken at a photo studios in the 1980s and put I them in the original navy leather frame that it came in. Why should these pictures be hidden and forgotten?  In the photo I am seen wearing football socks with a pair of burgundy shoes whilst wearing a blue dress; I wonder what my dear mother was thinking?! Regardless it makes me laugh. Family photos are to be remembered and cherished not hidden in some old luggage.

My beloved sewing corner which I must admit struggle to keep tidy at times!  I keep my emergency sewing kit there. As well as fabric, threads, twine, ribbons, pin cushions and a sewing machine (shown covered). The space doubles up as a place to put pens, pencils, colours, papers and important letters discreetly hidden in a magazine file.  All the items tie in with the colour schemes of the living room so it does not look overpowering. Anything else which is bright and bold in colour are stored in the storage unit below.


This clock is actually an outdoor metal garden clock which I bought from a stall at the Ideal Home Show in Earls Court few years ago. I thought it would be nice to incorporate the outdoor elements inside the living room such as the pattern of the wallpaper, the roses and the clock.



My classic vintage boudoir (aka. mum's bedroom as my girl calls it).
The colour scheme in my bedroom is ivory, creams, mink and black.  The furnishings are light colours and silk fabrics which bounces light in the room and give it that spacious and opulent feel.  
These are some of the cushions I have used as accessories. I bought the cream rose cushion from Next and the off-white cushion from the Kylie Minogue range.  I designed and sewed the black square cushion with lace given to me by my sister.

My bed side mini-library.  Not everything in the house should be out of sight; out of mind!

 


Thank goodness for faux roses as I am not at all green-fingered.  These roses are bought from Dunhelm Mill which I put in a rounded ribbed vase with pearls necklaces inside.  Also by the roses is a handful of rings regularly worn stored in a dessert glass that a cousin was giving away.




I bought two of these art deco lamps from Dunhelm Mill and thought I'd display rather than hide some of jewellery boxes that I have bought over the years.





I bought this jewellery / scarf mannequin from a market near my house.  It was £12 and but I haggled and got it for £9. Bargain!







My tranquil bathroom.  
Pale grey walls, white tiles and busts of fuchsia accents.

My cosy kitchen.
Walnut kitchen unit, white walls and tiles and pastel vintage inspired accessories.

My space-saving 'grown-up' girls' bedroom.

I love Ikea, especially their ingenious space-saving ideas which are perfect for London homes which tend to have small bedrooms.  I bought this Hemmes daybed which pulls out another bed space and has 3 deep drawer storage.  I just about managed to get the bed to fit in that space by chiseling away some of the skirting board! The room is painted brilliant white and only the window wall is wallpapered as it is a small room.  The colour scheme is purple, pink, mink and white as requested by my daughter!


As the room was small I decided to free up the floor space by putting up shelves on the entire one side of the wall.  This is also perfect for a growing child's room as once she goes to secondary school  - she'll have enough space to store her school books and folders.

I revamped my daughter's old office chair and gave it a more 'grown up' look.  Fabric is bought from Ikea.

It was so difficult to find a 3 door wardrobe + 2 drawer  with mirror but finally found one in Homebase. It took a while to assemble as there were many parts but it was worth it in the end.  The 3 straw storage baskets above the wardrobe are from Wilkinson and I've used them to store my daughter's arts and crafts.

My special daughter's colourful bedroom.

My youngest daughter has special needs and has visual impairment so it is important for her to be in a well lit room with bright and bold colours.  I chose to paint one wall a bright bubblegum pink colour and the rest of the walls brilliant white with aqua, pink and blue bedding and accessories to contrast the white walls.

Ceilings are usually plain white so I thought I'll jazz it up by sticking on some gift bows that I had in the crafts baskets.  In the morning the bows look eye-catching and at night when the night lamp is on - the shiny bows glimmer as if they are stars in the sky at night! Also I've hung fairy light flower garland on her cot bed for sensory stimulation and to create a relaxing ambiance.

This storage unit is from Ikea. It's called the Billy Bookcase but I've chosen to use it to store nappies, baby wipes, medicine, syringes, medicated milk and small clothes such as vests, socks, tights and woolly scarves. It's a life saver and time saver and has everything I need conveniently at hands-reach. I bought the three straw baskets separately and labelled them with little tags to remind me what's in them! The shelves are adjustable and of course can be used as a bookcase as well.

The Garden Bench

I found this cast iron bench near the rubbish bins.  It usually costs thousands to buy but I got mine for free!  Once I managed to convince hubby to help me carry it into the garden; the heavy bench was washed, scrubbed, sanitised and spruced up with some comfy cushions.

Phew! This must be my longest blog with the most photos. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it and I hope you found the decorating and craft ideas inspiring.

Please write any comments below - I hugely appreciate your feedback.

Asma Begum. x

Autumn Appraisal

Time to start afresh... time to renew, 
I'm looking forward to autumn... hope so are you? 

Out with the coat, scarves and boots. Colds, coughs and sneezes.
Crisp air, falling leaves and steady cool breezes.

Sounds of crunchy leaves beneath your feet.

No more of that bothersome heat. 

A mild breeze passes you by, 

makes you ponder for a while. 

Porridge in the morning... cocoa at night, 

warm desserts....what a delight. 

Frosty evenings... paired with twilight, 

darker sky... yet shining moonlight. 

After autumn follows winter so cherish this lovely season,

... savour the beauty and its glory because everything happens for a reason. 

(Poem by Asma Begum).

Family Reunion at the hospital?

On Sunday, 6th January early this year Hubby set of to fly to Bangladesh to visit his parents and younger sister.  He hadn't been back home in about four years. We had done the last minute 'cardigan' shopping; a staple clothing item which asians tend to buy for relatives abroad.  I don't understand why because Bangladesh get 10 months of summer and only 2 months winter and even that is eqivalent to our British Spring! [However apparently I'm told Bangladesh has experienced an unexplainable freak freezing cold winter this year]. Anyway giftwrapping, packing and weighing the luggage done. It was the day for hubby to go. It was kind of melancholic because he had said he wanted to visit for quite some time but I didn't really realise the day would come so quick. I was in a state of limbo - I want to bid him a safe and happy journey and holiday but on the other hand I didn't really want him to go.  Really it's no big deal because distance supposedly makes the heart grow fonder but mushy bit aside I rely on my husband with running the household, shiftworking between the kids and his my saviour for my once in a blue moon respite which I'm able to have when hubby's around.  As the time neared to him leaving the home for the airport; the vision of the retreat to the spa, meal with the girls or shopping till dawn seemed like a distant memory!  I had been physcing myself up for about a week prior about 'How I'd been fine', 'I can manage on my own' and often found myself having a full blown out monologue in the kitchen with myself about what needs to be done, how I can overcome his problems and that appointment.  It's not the end of the world as I stare at the dripping sink tap, leaking washing machine and disrepair of the front door draught excluders who are clinging onto dear life.  All that can wait even after he has come back surely. Perhaps give it another year or so I say sarcastically to myself.  Well, I convinced myself that these were mere menial non-urgent things to be done and I have far more important tasks ahead.  I got to brace myself of 3 weeks of school runs to two schools, seeing to council contractors attending home visits and a dozen hospital appointment which have come in clusters all in January due to the christmas and new year break.  Not to mention the cold, frosty winter mornings which would involve the tedious task of putting layers of clothes on the girls, defrosting the car windscreen and heating the car.  Oh... and don't even get me started with throwing out the rubbish, the recycling, sweeping the leaves from the front porch and food and bog-roll shopping!.... Damn I'm really gona miss hubby for all the right reasons (of course)!

Anyway worries aside I knew I'd have to take the superwoman cape out of the wardrobe and just get on with it!  I was rustling up his farewell lunch. I did a Chicken Korma, Dhal (Lentil), Carrot Bhaji and a King Prawn Bhuna and Pilau rice all by midday.  All went down well considering that I missed breakfast and was faffing about that morning. Mum and close family came round to see hubby off.  Then suddenly Inaaya who was well all week took a turn for the worst.  She was having these new type of seizures, which I now learnt are Tonic Clonic Seizures.  The symptoms Inaaya presented were proper convulsions, body stiffness and limbs jerking.  Some of the seizures were so intense and prolonged and Inaaya would roll her eyes which was so scary for one to watch let alone experience! Thankfully, apparently the sufferer is unconsious throughout and doesn't remember the seizures but just the dazed feeling when consciousness is regained. 

It was 2 o'clock and time for him to leave for the airport.  Hubby was saying he'll cancel the flight if need be. I reassured him that he should go and maybe it's just a blip.  "Inaaya's always ill, or in hospital, she'll be fine."  I said to him and to my conscious.   I could not give hubby a farewell hug as I was dealing with Inaaya.  He said bye and went downstairs and I hurried behind him with Inaaya once she had come round from her seizure so that atleast he could see her being her playful self and not be so upset leaving and Inaaya could give her dad a kiss.

The seizures calmed down in the afternoon but began to come back in clusters in the evening .  First every 3 hours, then 2 hours, then every hour and eventually about 3 seizures every 30 minutes.  I couldn't hold on for long and neither could my poor Inaaya at this rate.  It was 4am when I called NHS Direct and paramedics arrived.  Mum had stayed over at mine seeing that Inaaya was poorly and should the need arise that I go into hospiral with Inaaya; mum can look after Sumaiya (my other girl). True to that; this is what happened -  I left with the ambulance crew leaving mum in a state of sheer worry. I tried to calm her but her eyes were already full of anxiousness.  Inaaya was admitted to a+e at about 4am and almost minutes later my sister texted me saying mum was in a+e. I couldn't belive it and I didn't know how to react among the doctors and nurses around me.  All I throught was that I literally left mum in my house. What's happened to mum so quick?  Perhaps that fact that I had left with Inaaya in such a state got her overly-worried.  Suddenly it dawned on me: OMG! Where is Sumaiya?  My poor girl... no mother or father nearby and now no gran nearby. Luckily later my sister filled me in about Sumaiya's whereabounce and about mum because I was preoccupied with my girl Inaaya.  I felt so helpless that I could not be near mum and at the same time felt so helpless that no matter what I did near Inaaya's bedside;  I could not stop Inaaya having seizures.  I was told mum came in complaining of shortness of breath.  An x-ray showed that she had fluid in her right lung so she was immediately catherterised and given oxygen.

Poor Mum, poor Inaaya and poor ME!  One hand I have the person that gave life to me and on the other hand I had the person I'd given life to and whom was soley dependant on me.  Straight away I wanted to breakdown but held back the tears and took a deep breathe and sighed. I thought I must stay strong.

Later that morning both Inaaya and mum got taken to the assessment wards and later transfered to the in-patient wards on diferrent floors.  I still hadn't seen mum but was texting my sister and brother like crazy for updates.  After a week staying in hospital; with many sleepless nights, blood tests, examination, stress and tears - Inaaya was on the mend with the Mercy of Allah, the Almighty.  Even 9 months pregnant sister-in-law, Shuhena had a brief admission to a+e  because she was vomiting all day and couldn't keep food down.  It was a little family reunion, but perhaps an altervative venue instead of the general hospital would have been well suited!  



My older girl, Sumaiya missed a whole week of school and I only saw her twice breifly that week.  She was at my parents' flat in Mile End a few days, then at my brother's house in East Ham and lastly at my sister's house in Newbury Park because there was no dad to take over the childminding and do the schools runs. My poor girl probably felt so unsettled and emotional.  She's very timid too and won't even say if something was wrong or she wanted anything.  I owe it to her as well as my youngest to be there for them both.  It was so difficult and challenging. I had to be both mummy and daddy at the same time. I was needed at the hospital by one daughter and also was yearning for my other daughter. One minute I was feeding wheatabix, changing nappies, administering medicine and playing with Inaaya and the next minute I was racing home in my car to put the washing machine on, check letters and bills, cancel appointmemts, pick up clothes for Sumaiya and go to Sumaiya's school to get homework as well as buy myself food and drink.  I figured I will have to eat and keep hydrated to keep my energy levels up because I don't have a failsafe back up plan (in the form of what would be a 'husband') if I was to falter.  I was one man down but I was determined to be a one-man army.  With the saying from the Qur'an in mind and heart that "God, does not burden a person with that s/he can't handle" - I soldiered on.

Hello, I'm Inaaya Rahman...

I am not what you call a 'normal' child?  Then again what is 'normal?'  A normal child may play peek-a-boo and it will put a smile on your face.  I do other things indescribable to the average person and can still put a smile on my parent's face.  I am a human first and foremost. I look the same as you; I have a head, a body, two hands and two feet. I eat, laugh, sleep, cry and smile and believe it or not I even talk but in a language you can never know. I am only different by the way you view me.  My personality, habits, little traits and idiosyncrasies make me who I am. My parents who live and breathe everyday with me can only see this in me.  Whilst you sit and chat to my mum about me and not to me. I've just sat and ignored you like you've just ignored me.  However my intentions are innocent because I hadn't even noticed you entered the room as you had not said hello or stroked my arms.  Did you stop a while and regard me as another person or as inanimate object without feelings? Hmmm I wonder?

My mum wears noisy bangles and shiny rings not only to make herself look nice but also that I may hear and see her as she approaches me.  Even when she feels unwell she makes an effort for me.  My mum wears outlandish or sometime quirky clothes; it helps me catch her sight from afar even though I may sometimes disagree with her taste! My mum has a loud voice and can speak for England; she's loveable, socialable and always smiling even in the hardest of times. I wonder if any other mother would give me such joy, love or the time of day. I think not.

My dad is a 'man of few words' who I guess compensates for my loud mum. If both were loud - I'd be confused.  His voice is soothing yet has a bass tone to my ear drums. When he cuddles me; I know it's my dad, he has a different scent.  I tug at his evident ears and almost always my dad takes my hands to his face to feel his stubbles with the palms of my hands. I giggle to the feel of it and oh how I love the prickly feel.  This is the way my dad says 'hello' to me and I say hello to him.

Another little person lives in my home.  Often I hear tantrums and shouting, especially I enjoy it when she sings. Yes, she is my older sister.  She wears bright coloured glasses, bright clothes and shiny hair clips - easy for me to see (and grab!).  She plays with me and cares for me like any big sister does.  She gets rather upset when I pull off her glasses and pull her hair but I'm just saying 'Hi, big sis... it's me'.  She is not upset for long and smoothers me with kisses and hugs.  We enjoy quality time together especially bath time when I can get to splash her with water, and anyone who knows my big sister - is that she's such a drama-queen especially if she gets shampoo and water in her eyes!

I'm saying all this because I want you all to open your eyes.  Don't just look but 'see' and understand.  I was born like this for a reason.  What you think is joy from having a child is a different joy my parents get with me.  You count the milestones of your child's first smile, first teeth coming though, first solid food eaten, first time crawling, first time standing unaided and first steps, but mum sees all that and more.  My first eye-contact, first reaction to toy, touch, skin, face, sound and smell.  My first time rolling onto side-sitting, first time putting arms out to save myself from falling and the first time I held my tooth brush but not nescessarily to my teeth! My first time achieving to swallow a spoonful of puree food without sputtering all over mum.  My first time reaching for the spoon and my first time holding the beaker without any need for prompt.  My first time grabbing a rattle and shaking it, my first time hearing strange sounds like the hoover, the washing machine, the TV, a car hooting and a rainy storm. My first attempt to balance to sit, first time 4 point kneeling to crawl, first standing with the help of mum, first potential to raise feet to step forward and I’ve not even got to the first walking bit yet!

Normal children’s' parents remember their child's first day out.  To the park, the shopping centre, the farm and the museum.  My mum does that and more.  I also remember my first meeting with the wind when the breeze overwhelmed my face; I squinted and caught my breath and smiled with sheer delight.  My mum took off my coat hood and let me feel the wind on my face a little bit longer... it was so exhilarating. Like any child - I've been to the park too.  Normal children will run about and play frisbee or ball.  I would on the other hand explore whilst lying on the picnic mat.  My feet feel the lush green grass whilst my hands will scratch the ridges of the wicker picnic basket. My eyes squint from the beaming sun peeping behind the leaves on the tree.  Often I grab the grass and a hopeful ant travels up my arm.  Mum will try and flick the ant away whilst screeching playfully. I also enjoy eating strawberries and ice cream in the park and sometimes just want to relax in the sun like you, like any other person would do too.

Normal children remember their first boxed toy... a tractor, an electric helicopter, a baby doll, a game or a toy puppy.  I remember all that and more.  I remember and enjoy playing with the cardboard box, the polystyrene packaging and the crunching, colourful wrapping paper as well as the toy.

While you may see the bigger picture; I and my family see the smaller things in life. It's a different joy from what you may feel or see but it still makes me and my family happy and life worthwhile.

*Thoughts by Inaaya, Age 5*

Most men don't like SHOPPING! Fact?

Most men don't like SHOPPING! Fact?

Went shopping today to check out what the fuss was all about. I usually don't like shopping during the New Years sales because the shops are swarming with bodies and being 5 foot ...erm tall - its quite daunting! Besides I hate queueing for the tills for ages to purchase something which I really could buy any other time in the year.  Nothing really caught my eye from the 'sales' and before you could know it I was queueing at the Krispy Kreme counter! Why I always feel peckish when I go out is truly beyond me.  Luckily I was with my daughter, so I had an excuse to sit on the bench and scoff the ring-shaped, chocolate and sprinkle covered treat. I made a funny observation.  I saw a reluctant husband in the shopping centre sporting a slouched back and frown; who would probably rather be seeing footie on telly on the sofa at home. Another man rushed by tagging along with the wife who was going 40mph leading ahead! I smiled to myself thinking 'poor man'.  Opposite across the shopping centre was yet another 'helpless, vulnerable' husband sat on the couch in front of Primark in the shopping centre anxiously waiting for his wife who is probably running like a wild goose purchasing the entire SHOP!! I felt so sorry for the man as he had been bullied into looking after the children, the crying baby in the pushchair and the pet dog while the wife spends their life savings in one day!

I got up and walked into John Lewis and as I was making a beeline for the homeware section I overheard a conversation between a man and a woman in the women's clothing department.  A woman was asking the dreaded age old question: 'Watcha think of this dress?' as she holds the dress in front of her. Not only can the poor man not hear her with the christmas music in the store but now he's panicing whether or not he should say the truth! At this point the safest option would be to smile and nod your head! (which he did). He also had this vacant look on their face; either he was dreaming of when they'll be home for dinner, something technical or another lady! (Let's hope it's not the latter!).

As I was travelling up on the escalator I passed the Lingerie and Accessories section. I saw yet another poor male 'victim' standing lost amongst the array of silk, lace, frills and ribbon clad itsy lingerie. Men don't know what to do with themselves when the female of species be it their wife, girlfriend or daugther is in the lingerie section!  I bet their thinking ...'Oh no! Not the lingerie section!'  but then again me a female -do I know what these men are really thinking! Talking from observation; men aren't really allowed to smile in the lingerie section for fear of looking like a pervert; so what do they do?  ...They act all DUMB! Suddenly the poor guy finds himself leaning on a bra stand which proudly hangs some purple frilly double F bras! He jumps at the sight nearly knocking them over! (Yikes!)  Lol.... this really did happen but I'm sworn to secrecy as to who this happened to! ...but I'll leave you to be the judge of that.


Bless them - they do carry our bags and tow along with us even though they have an attention span of a goldfish!

As for now us lady's are going to have to put up with: "Are you finished looking yet? This is about the 20th shoe shop we've been to! I'm tired, I wanna go home, I wanna do a number 2 and I'm hungry!"  
MEN: You can't live with them and you can't live without them!

Bittersweet 10th Birthday.

My first born will turn 10 tomorrow.  Yes the big 1-0, double digits, having lived a decade, a major milestone reached; ...call it what you may but it has just dawned on me. She will be TEN, no longer a weenie baby, a boisterous toddler, a care-free child, .... but TEN! (OMG!!!!)

I must says I'm a sucker for milestones.  First smile, first steps, first words, first day at nursery, first visit to the library, first day shopping, first ear piercing (which I can vividly remember didn't go down that well), ...but nothing gets me more emotional than birthdays, especially those important ones: 1st, 10th, 16th, 18th, 21st, 30th and then every age thereof that ends in zero!

If I close my eyes and rewind back 10 years; I can still see the moment when I held my daughter, Sumaiya snug in my arms in her woollen blanket,  I can still smell that baby smell that new borns often have and I can still see her beautiful large dark brown eyes staring starry-eyed back at me.  If I close my eyes even tighter - I can see the photo montage of her life right before my eyes. *Sigh*  Right now I'm feeling kind of choked up and can almost taste my impending tears. However, trying to hold back - I need to write this memoir.  

I'm sat in my bed with the comfort of my duvet weighted on my legs while precariously balancing my notebook on a cushion.  I wonder 'Where did the time go?' and 'How the years have flown by so quick?' I can just about recollect the last 10 years; I'd dread to think what the next 10 years would bring and so much more to remember. As the years go on, my brain cells would diminish and I would be unable to retrieve these cherished memories.  Anyway, such is life and that's why keeping a journal is so important.

Earlier today when I put my two girls to bed, I looked around my daughter's bedroom which she shares with her sister, Inaaya and pondered how things have changed.  In the corner is Sumaiya's book stand filled with colourful children's books, her bedding covered with hearts and baby owls and at the foot of her bed hangs an array of plastic beaded necklaces, hair clips and funky headbands that only a child could carry off.  I turned to my youngest who is asleep in the cot bed in what was once my eldest daughter's cot bed.  I smile to myself and remember those nights when I'd wake up to see Sumaiya asleep in the prostrated position with her bottom in the air and that too on the opposite foot side of the cot! Bless her.

Suddenly I'm back to reality and I look at my daughter asleep and the last remnants of her baby face disappearing.  She is almost 3 quarters along the length of the single bed and almost reaching my height (anyone who knows me for my short height knows this isn't impossible!). 

I try to summarise all that she has been through.  She was a petite child, timid, happy, sincere and with a million dollar smile which revealed a distinguishable pin drop dimple on her left cheek and present still today.  After 7 addresses and even more number of colourful specs- she has turned out to be some character and I'm not just saying that simply because I am her mum.  Sumaiya, with us has tolerated moving home 7 times. Living like a nomad is not easy on the parents or the child. As a parent I struggled with working and having a child (any working mum can understand how it feels).  I tried to overcompensate for the difficult times and wanted stability but Sumaiya too felt my tensions and adjusted without a whisper of complaint.  Just as how she adjusted when her younger baby sister was born who subsequently had been taken seriously ill needing heart surgery who now has special needs.  

Sumaiya was four at the time when Inaaya was born. Late nights at the hospital took its toil on our family.  There was one occassion that I hadn't seen Sumaiya for one whole month because I had been in hospital with her baby sister.  Sumaiya walked up to me in the hospital corridor with her scraggy frame and mis-matched clothes (obviously dressed by her father) to visit us. My eye's welled up and my world had already fallen apart with the stress of limbo-ing between life and death and suffering the baby blues. I was about to give up, but that day Sumaiya gave me a ray of hope.  She made me wake up to reality and made me come to my senses without having to say anything.  Just her presence was enough to console me.  Sumaiya needed me in her life and I needed her.

Young children are non-judgemental and positive-minded.  She took on Inaaya's disabilities 'on the chin'.  Yes, as Sumaiya has gotten older; I've had been asked: "Mum, can Inaaya see me?, Why can't she walk?" or "Will she get better?"  Questions which break my heart to pieces but still composed I'd attempt to answer the questions that I don't know the answers to.  As the years have gone by; it didn't matter anymore.  We've stopped asking the questions and my family have learnt to embrace the challenge more.  It has made us stronger and resilient as a family unit. Our abnormal life has become 'our normal'.  We don't know any different and we wouldn't change it for the world.  

Just the other day I asked Sumaiya some probing questions like: "Are you jealous of Inaaya?" or "Do you get angry with Inaaya?"  She simply replied "I'm jealous that she's so cute!" and scrunched up her face and reached to give her little sister a hug and a hard kiss on the cheek.  The fact that Sumaiya looked behind her sister's 'inabilities' was overwhelming for me and a feeling of contentment.

I recall when once we had a family gathering in our new home and I was slaving away in the kitchen (as per usual) and every so often I popped my head in the living room to check on the family and to see if Inaaya was OK on the floor playing with her toys. I stood in the passage for a moment and observed my eldest daughter, nephews and nieces playing on the sofa.  Sumaiya every so often glanced down at Inaaya to check if her sister was OK and continued to play with some unease with her cousins.  You could tell Sumaiya was not fully engaged in playing.  Inaaya was on the floor trying to crawl and suddenly lost her balance and almost hit her head on the floor narrowly missing the glass coffee table - at which point Sumaiya saved her. Her reaction was so swift as if it were an automatic reflex.  I straight away ran up to them (still in my curry-smell infested apron) and took over the situation and gave Sumaiya a big hug for protecting her sister and said: "You go on and play, don't worry about Inaaya; the adults in the room will watch her.... You just be the child that you are." She looked at me bemused and turned to her cousins relunctantly to play.

I realised that Sumaiya's experiences of having a sister with special needs made her not only a big sister having love and compassion but a young carer with unconditional love and always going that extra mile; for that I am grateful to her and so proud of her.  

Sumaiya is my daughter, my soul-mate, my friend, my shopping companion, my little helper, my masseuse and my cleaner (just kidding!).  So occasionally when Sumiaya asks me if she can put make-up on my face or style my hair; I surrender to be her guinea pig model no matter how tired I am, and in all honestly I don't really mind participating as long as I don't look like a clown and don't have to look in a mirror for the end result!

Happy 10th Birthday Sumaiya!  Ammu loves you sooooooo much. Live each moment and enjoy your childhood because you're only a child (and TEN) once in your life. x